How to deal with a difficult housemate?
I think difficult might be an understatement. Here's a little background info. Basically, I'm a first year at Uni, and I have moved into a big house with 20 other people, of most I get on with really, really well. Apart from one girl. To be fair, she started off as normal, but now she just scares all of us and we aren't quite sure what to do with her. She steals all our food (her cupboard is completely empty, and she waits until everyone but her is out at college, so we know it is her) We have even caught her red handed doing this (we all came in from a night out and she had my friends food freshly cooked in front of her) But she still insists on blaming it on whoever she can. She smokes in her room, which first of is against the rules of the house, but it stinks out our side of the house (I live above her) and no-one else smokes in this side! So it is quite annoying. We have asked her to stop several times but she hasn't Also, she is always drunk, off our alcohol, might I add. However, all of this was (almost) bareable. But recently she has upped it a notch. She was sick last week on the stairs, (someone Else's rice and curry, nice) and she still hasn't cleaned it up despite notes on her door, people coming up to her and asking nicely, people asking her not so nicely, and so on. The other day we all got woken up at about 4 in the morning, to her throwing all her alcohol bottles out of the window, into the back yard. (I say her, of course I mean the ones she has stolen from us) This went on for about an hour. And then last night, she went around banging on everyones doors at three in the morning, asking for a lighter. I have also heard these stories from the people that lived her about a week before me (because they have come from places like norway, ireland, romania etc, and came over a little bit earlier than those of us that just had a three hour drive) Apparently on one of the first nights that the irish moved in, they were all getting drunk together, which was fine, until they decided to go to bed. At which point, this girl decided to go around all their doors (they all live in the same part of the house) banging on the doors and screaming and shouting and kicking. They don't know why she was doing this. It terrified the life out of them though. She also is constantly telling me how someone in the house is trying to kill her because they have been putting death threats under her door. Now I know for a fact this isn't true, because she insisted it was on red paper and cut out from magazines, and all of us have got far too much work to be doing to bother with something that complex, and when we aren't working, we'd rather be out and having fun than trying to upset her. We have all been discussing what we can do with her, we don't want to live with her, but we don't want to get her kicked out either (shes been thrown out of her mums house, and her friend also kicked her out because she was stealing money from her) We don't wanna make her homeless. We were just wondering if there is a way to deal with her, or just get her some help, because she really needs it. Also, I live in England, and I'm going uni in Blackpool if that helps. This isn't university accomidation (our uni is too small to have any) but it is university approved accomidation. Also, everyone in the house agrees that she definatly has some sort of mental issue, which is why we don't want her to be thrown out on the street.
Mental Health - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
No. She is not your responsibility. You are not her mother. You should not feel bad. "Home" is a place where it is very important you feel safe. Living with a nutcase is not helpful to a successful college career. She is interfering with your feeling of safety, stealing food and disrupting your studies. Kick her out. It does not matter what happens to her. Don't feel bad. I had this happen in college. This girl moved in and seemed totally fine. She understood the house rules, etc. Then she proceeded to smoke marijuana all over the house, ruined my pots and pans, broke our dishes, let the cat outside (where there are mountain lions, coyotes and other hungry wildlife) and had strange druggy boys over, one of whom broke into my room and tried to rape me. I have a gun (unloaded) so he did not rape me. So, I kicked her out. The girl lasted one month in my house. I don't care what happened to her. I packed all of her stuff up, kept the next months rent and threw her out. In the end, there are 20 people in your house. I'm sure everyone agrees that she is not fitting in. You guys need to consider the wellbeing of those 20 people. It is not fair that you should all suffer because of 1 person.
2 :
you all need to have a house meeting with her and confront her as friends!!....she has no one and is probabally using drug as well. Let her know she has a home but has to abide by all the house rules..where does she get money for smokes and not food?...does she buy food? maybe you all can show her some help/love and she will change everyone can pitch in for a short time and helpher with food/toiletries...but she must abide by all the house rules end the meeting with a group hug..if she feels like everyone is against her then shewill get meaner...Contact AA for advice on her drinking and have a rep come to the house
3 :
If this is a school sponsored housing unit I would contact the dean of students and see what can be done. Otherwise I'm afraid there isn't a lot you can do unless she chooses to move out.
4 :
Whilst it is admirable that you show feelings of care and responsibility towards her I'm afraid that these might be misplaced. From your description I think that the behaviour is so ingrained that any attempt to intervene would be wasted. Firstly contact the welfare officer through your student Union or if they don't have a suitable union officer perhaps the collage/uni does? Maybe a support office or a counseling service? They will be able to give you guidance as to an appropriate approach and perhaps suggest other alternatives. I would have thought that her course leaders would also have concerns as the behaviour is unlikely to be limited to the house issues. Secondly get the house together without her. Discuss the issue openly and honestly and see what the general feelings are. Try and not let it get personal, and try and focus on what you, as a group, can do. Locking away alcohol for instance, would be a start. Whilst in the short term it may be a pain, in the long term it will be worth it. If you don't come up with a suitable answer then you have to complain to the landlord. It is not your responsibility to "fix" this girl. If her family has had enough think how bad it can get.
