How can I help my son pick himself up? What can I do as a parent?
I have a 20 year old son who spent the last year in college. He then quit college cause he didn't like the program he chose and got a job for a few months, but the company had to close down because of the recession. My son then moved back to us and he then left for Norway a few weeks ago to find a new job. When he was in Norway he was confident of finding something and he did get 3 job offers. But the apartments are very expensive. They want a three month security deposit which my son does not have and he came back being very sad and depressed. He has tried to make money here, but we live in a small town with very little work. Since then he has been very sad and does not want to talk to anyone. He has no friends here anymore, he will not speak to me or his mum and I think that this will break him if it continues like this. The thing is that I have the money to give him but he would not take that sort of money from his family if his life depended on it. I try talk to him but all he says is "Dad, I really appreciate you and mom letting me move back, but I am really not in the mood for talking or being around anyone. Please just leave me alone". I remember when he was a happy, social kid that chased after girls. But now all he does is sit at home, play his guitar and runs for like an hour every day. I don't know what to do anymore. It is killing me to see my son like this. What can I do to help him?
Family - 5 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
you can only do so much. Sometimes you have to let him work himself through whatever he is going through. You trying to help with sometimes make it worse. it's hard to watch, but normally the right thing to do
2 :
That's really unfortunate. It's great to see a caring parent. Keep offering your support and love. Tell him when he rejects you, "I respect that you want some time alone. When you are ready, you can always come to me to talk about anything even ideas that you have." For the money thing if you really want to help, try not giving it to him. Try to make it a loan type of deal. It's good that he does not want to take it. Plus with a loan idea, it might make him motivated to succeed. Maybe..."I want to help, and I can give you 3 months deposit for the apartments. Let's make a schedule and you can pay me back in 12 months." It sucks when someone is depressed. Sometimes in your mind you know the answers, but you are afraid to act on them to fail again, so you wait and think some more. Sometimes you know what will make you happy but feel like you don't deserve it.
3 :
Im sure he has a relative or friend that lives somewhere other then the small town you are in that might have some options, I would suggest looking through craigslist and if he finds a lead then time to make that call to the family member / friend in that state and see if something can be arranged temporarily
4 :
this is tough. i know how depressed i was when i found out they were raising prices again and i couldnt go to college because i couldnt afford it. my big sister is more like a mother figure to me so when she saw how depressed i was she did little things that let me know she was there for me. she would leave me little notes and my favorite andes mints and just small and kind of silly stuff that made me feel not so alone. you can try stuff like that. dont be discourage if it takes a bit to respond to little things
5 :
take charge!as a parent when your trying to help and he tells you "i don't feel like talking" you tell him "well were going to talk"!and just let him know that while you understand he does not want to take the money from you at the moment he kind of needs to use it like a stepping stone,tell him if it makes him feel better he can pay you back when he gets settled and on his feet!everyone goes through a slump from time to time and with your help and encouragement he will pull himself out of this one!
