What should I do with me and my mom arguing?
So here it is. My dad is recently working in Norway. Me, my sister and my mother live in Lithuania for all of our lives. But my mom has become such a witch! I'm already 18 and I have a boyfriend, so we arrange a sleepover at his house about once in two weeks, or sometimes more. His mother is very nice to me, we both go along really well. She is really glad that I'm with him and that I motivate him to do well at school although he is very good at it anyway. She sometimes even invites me to sleepover and she doesn't see anything wrong at it as we are adults. He has a separate room and we always hang out there. We don't annoy or disturb her. But my mom still thinks I'm a baby! She doesn't accept me sleeping over at his place and today we had a big fight because I wanted to stay with him tonight. She thinks that I'm starting to annoy his mother. She rarely lets him to sleep at my place. She was yelling that I only need her when I need money and all similar stuff. She said that it looks like she's nothing to me, that I don't care about her and all. Actually, we've never been close. I don't feel like friends with my mom. Although I tell her some stuff from school and we sometimes laugh about things, she is not the one I'd want to talk to when I have problems. When I get home I always stay in my room for all the time and actually yes - we talk only about money or chores for most of the time. So I don't understand why she wants me to stay here if I feel better being with my boyfriend? How can I make her understand that I'm an adult now? She was always saying "When you'll be 18, you'll can do what you want" and now it's nothing like it!
Family - 2 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
talk to your boyfriends mom, see how she feels and tell her whats going on. after you know for sure how she feels...talk to your mom, CALMLY :) trust me this is always the key. tell her why you want to stay over and that she said when you are 18 you could. then tell her you want to hear her side of it. let her talk, let her explain why. then tell her you will think about her reasons. leave it alone for a day or two and go back and say that you have listened about what she said and since you listened to her that maybe she could listen to your option. give her your reasons and then let her think about it. :) give her a while and see what she says. trust me when you act maturely then people treat you that way :D
2 :
First of all hello from Colorado, USA. I understand the confusion and pain you are experiencing. On one hand, you feel that you are an adult and should be able to do what you want. On the other hand, you are still living with your mother. I think if you search your heart you already have the answer. It sounds like you really want a warm loving relationship with your mother, and also for all of you - boyfriend included - to be a family. Maybe if you make an effort to explain in a rational, calm, non-emotional way how you feel then your mother can at least see it from your point of view. Sit down, have some coffee, and have a heart to heart with mom. No emotional boil overs, name calling, or taking verbal stabs at anyone. No putting blame on anyone for anything! Just say "I feel that..." or "My heart hurts because I feel..." And tell her what you need. I've learned that the best way to handle most situations is just to state how I feel and what I need. If you start blaming other people or accusing other people they just shut down to anything you have to say. Focus on what you can do, and on your actions. Are you just using your mom for money and a place to live? Does she know how appreciative you are of all she does for you, and has done for you in the past? What kind things do you do for her? What is the amount of love you show to your mom regardless of what she gives you? I promise you that if you increase the kindness and love, kindness and love will increase back to you. It has to be real though. No faking it. Good luck. May Peace, Joy, and Happiness abide in you.
